I'm doing a quick blog this morning as I have tonnes to do and want to try and get an early night, if at all possible...
I've been struggling a bit lately, I feel a bit weird sharing this, but those who know me, know me, and those who don't, don't.
I've realised that I'm suffering from depression again, from not having any help or support from anyone ever since I had my first child, and all the struggles we've been through, I've not had any help, because my family are either too far away or just not really that interested, and I always shut myself off from everyone.
I know the depression isn't because I am weak, or not good enough, but because I'm trying to do everything all by myself, and obviously, I'm going to run into problems there.
This is all to do with getting myself sorted, what I mentioned in an earlier blog. I was kind of in denial about the depression, I'm excellent at hiding it. but the truth started creeping up on me, and I guess thats got to be a good thing, because now I can get some help.
I also don't feel that I can tell my family about it, because I know the first thing they'll say is "it's because you don't get a break from the kids, they need to go back to school" and I know that isn't true at all, but people not fully understanding of home education just see it like that. The first thing most people say when you tell them you're home educating is "Idon't know how you do it" being with the children all the time, they mean. Like these parents just want to get rid of their kids as soon as possible, like spending a long time with their own children is some kind of torture! But I never had a close family growing up, I felt sooo alone the whole time, and now I LOVE having my family around me! and I want to get as much of it as I can before they all go off into the big wide world. It seriously ISN'T my children making me depressed!! If anything, they cheer me up, they are all so sweet when I'm upset or sad and they give me hugs and try to cheer me up!
Anyway, enough about me.
We're going on holiday TOMORROW! The kids nan came round last night and gave them a £20 note to spend! Jamie spent the rest of the evening kissing hers! she also bought 2 wipe clean times table flash card sets, which they both were trying out last night, Alex gets confused with multiplying and adding, he started off good then went back to adding, but I'm sure he'll get there soon.
So we'll be packing and loading the car today, my mum is coming over to collect the rabbit and hamster and there is a lot of excitement, they keep stealing all the snacks that I bought for the journey!
OK, I'd better get on with it, at least today I only have the holiday to concentrate on, and it's sunny, it should be a better day :)
Morning Helen, it's good to see you opening up about how you are feeling, keeping it in sort of eats you up inside and starts to affect your health. I relate to what you are saying, and agree that it is only natural to struggle sometimes when you don't have a support system and end up doing most things yourself, it certainly wears me down from time to time. Although I've only just started homeschooling, I have already experienced quite a bit of opposition from relatives. My sister and mother aren't speaking to me over it, and my sister was arguing with my dad that he is "going against what all of us are trying to do by babysitting for her", giving me an insight into the campaign of opposition she has started because she doesn't agree with homeschooling. Anyway my point is that you are not alone, although separated by distance from some of those who support you, as I am too. It is comfort to me to read your blog and know I'm not the only person out there going through this stuff. I completely agree with the notion of not wanting to be separated from your kids - to me that is the natural state and the desire to pack them off to school is entirely man-made and very recent culturally. Anyway I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday!! Much Love xxx
ReplyDeleteWell done Helen for putting this out there =)
ReplyDeleteAnd @ Gayle. I fully understand your problems with your family. In a nutshell, their attitude stinks but well done for not giving in to them. Perhaps you have inherited some of your dads determination to do what is right regardless of what others think....?
Follow you heart as it invariably knows where it is going!
Big hugs xxx